(OPENING THEME PLAYING)
Whoo-hoo! Yay!
-(THUMPING)
-(GLASS BREAKING)
-Titans! Crime alert!
-(SIREN WHOOPING)
Yeah, so call the police.
I believe the number
is nine and the one
and the one
in that order.
You don't understand.
It's Slade.
-(ALL GASP)
-Slade!
That's right. Slade.
Our greatest villain has
returned to settle the score.
Are we ready for this?
I don't know,
but we have no choice.
Titans, go!
Whoo-hoo! I can't believe
what just happened!
The menace known as Slade
has been vanquished
once and for all!
Oh, yeah!
-(ALL CHEERING)
-(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
And it wasn't just
the fight that was amazing,
in the end, so many
compelling storylines
came together
and resolved in such
a satisfying way!
A perfect balance
of the action and drama.
Along with light moments
of the comedy!
-And I finally got that kiss!
-(GIGGLES)
Well, it's too bad people
will never see any of it.
No! That's a good thing, bro.
It was just too epic!
You know what, Titans?
After saving the world,
I think we've
earned ourselves a party!
(ALL TALKING EXCITEDLY)
Whipped cream!
Oh, whoo!
We'll have food, dancing,
and any type of entertainment
you guys want!
A DJ? Rock band? Magician?
You name it!
(BOTH) A clown!
What?
-We said...
-BOTH: A clown!
Please, what is the clown?
This is a clown, Star.
(SCREAMING)
What do they do?
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Well, they entertain
small children.
Who would let
such a creature near a child?
No, Star.
Clowns are the coolest!
Yeah! We loved clowns
since we were kids!
So cool, and they
have that great music!
(VOCALIZING CLOWN MUSIC)
When I hear that,
I know it means good times!
Or the ice cream truck.
-So, yeah, clowns.
-We haven't seen one in years!
Yeah, clowns are great
for little kids!
You guys are
too old for clowns.
Oh, yeah? How's Season Six
of Pretty, Pretty Pegasus?
Oh, my gosh! Well,
Butterbean and Sparkleface
have to save King Jellybean
who has been frozen
in cake frosting
-and...
-(SCREAMING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
That's completely different.
(SIGHS) So I'm really
going to hire a clown?
Oh, no, no! No, no, please!
Please, do not do it!
I beg of you!
(BOTH) A clown!
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
A clown it is.
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
Attention, Titans.
I know we're all
having a good time
but the (CLEARS THROAT)
clown is here.
(LAUGHING)
(SCREAMING)
-(LAUGHING EXCITEDLY)
-Oh, yeah!
This is gonna be so good!
(LAUGHING GOOFILY)
Ow!
(LAUGHING)
Wait a minute.
This clown is horrible!
Yeah. Why you doing
lame kiddy stuff?
(BOOING)
I told you,
you're too old for clowns.
No, it's him!
This is not the way
we remember his act!
Guys, this is a classic
clown act!
Look at the shoes,
the nose, the makeup.
No way! This clown
is for kids!
Yes! Clowns are for kids!
When I was a kid,
clowns were way cooler!
They had depth and meaning!
This clown is garbage.
Kids today don't know
what they're missing.
You know,
maybe we can fix him.
Make him as cool
as he used to be.
Clowns were never cool.
You're letting nostalgia
cloud your memory.
Guys. Kids' entertainment
is not something
to be messed with.
It's sacred.
I worry that
altering this clown
could have
disastrous consequences!
Sorry, mama, but we're
making this clown cool again.
Man, look at this clown!
I know. He looks like
some kind of clown!
What a disgrace.
But we'll just dress him up
like we remember him.
I don't really remember
what he looked like, bro.
Just that he was cool!
Then let's make him cool!
With science!
Just sign this here waiver
stating that we can do
anything we want
to your mind, body,
and spiritual being.
-(HONKS)
-BEAST BOY: Thanks, bro.
(BOTH LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(BUBBLING)
(BUZZING)
(LAUGHING)
(GROWLING)
The clown's gone, Star.
It's safe to come out.
(KISSING)
Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
You guys!
We made our clown cool again!
Keep him away from me!
(HISSING)
Check it!
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(HONKING)
(SCREAMING)
(PANTING)
Doesn't look very funny to me.
Oh, yeah?
Do your act, yo.
(GROWLING)
Ahhh!
The clown is
trying to kill me!
(GROANING)
It burns!
(GRUNTING)
(LAUGHING)
Oh, it's like a pie
to the face! But cooler!
(HONKING)
Told you, clowns are funny!
Guys! This is wrong!
(CHUCKLES)
Okay, it's a little funny.
But still wrong!
You've taken something
that's meant to be for kids
and made it
totally inappropriate
just so you can
still enjoy something
you should have outgrown!
We just made him
like we remember!
And now,
we're gonna release him
so he can spread joy
to all the kids in the world!
RAVEN: That clown's
not for children.
And I'm worried
what the influence
of something like that
could have on
all kids' entertainment!
What? You worried
it's gonna make it better?
Yo, clownie! Get out of here
and go make some kids happy!
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(GROANING)
Time for the latest episode
of Pretty, Pretty Pegasus!
King Jellybean
has betrayed us!
We may never eat candy again.
I don't want any filthy candy!
I just want blood!
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(BOTH GROWLING)
(GASPS) What is this?
This is supposed
to be a kids' show!
What's happened?
Ha, ha, ha!
The clown.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(BEEPING)
(LAUGHING)
(SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)
(GROWLING)
(SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(GROWLING)
(CLOWN LAUGHING)
(KIDS SCREAMING)
ROBIN: How dastardly!
If that clown has his way,
all children's entertainment
will be tainted!
I guess we lost sight
of what made clowns cool
in the first place,
as being age-appropriate
entertainment.
We can't hold on
to our childhood forever.
Things change.
Well, it's time to grow up.
Are we going in guns blazing?
No. The only way to stop him
is to remind him
of who he truly is.
Titans, go!
(BEEPING)
(WHIRRING)
(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(CRASHING)
(VOCALIZING CLOWN MUSIC)
Ow! Ow! Ow!
(LAUGHING)
It's working!
Now, for the big finish!
(ALL VOCALIZING CLOWN MUSIC)
(CLOWN LAUGHING)
(GASPING)
Thanks for the laughs, Titans.
This was
a horrible plan, Raven.
Why did you think
this would work?
(HONKS)
Children's entertainment
is doomed!
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(HONKS)
Starfire?
I will never trust the clowns.
♪♪ Figaro, Figaro
Figaro, Fi- ♪♪
Titans! We've been
waiting for this
all year.
Tonight, is New Year's Eve!
-(HONKING)
-(ALL CHEERING)
I can't wait
to get my midnight
smoochie-smoochie on!
-(BEAST BOY GROANS)
-And I may finally release
the Christmas tree
back into the wild!
Be free! Be free!
I just wanna
see that ball drop!
Oh, yeah! Tonight we're gonna
party like...
-Tonight!
-Yes.
Party! Whoo-hoo!
What a great time!
Until you ruin it again
like you did last year!
My bad, bro!
I shouldn't have invited
that pack of wild dogs.
I know.
-(BARKING)
-(SCREAMING)
Fortunately, New Year's Eve
is a time to wipe
the slate clean
and start fresh.
But only if we observe
the New Year's Eve
traditions properly.
We blew it last year
and look what happened!
Our year was garbage!
(SHIVERS) The February!
And we didn't keep any
of our New Year's resolutions!
What are you talking about?
I kept my resolution.
Tight as a drum! (THUDS)
(CREAKING)
I like sandwiches.
And ice cream. Don't judge me!
Tonight, we will have
the perfect celebration
to ensure a happy new year.
But to do it,
we're going to have to train.
Raven, explain.
The perfect New Year's Eve
celebration
involves four traditions
we must master.
The toast, the countdown,
the midnight kiss and
the singing of that weird song
no one knows the words to.
Yo, I gots toasts for days!
-What's next?
-Not that kind of toast!
A toast is when you say
a few profound words
about your friends
and the future.
Cyborg, toast me.
Oh, uh...
I'd like to say... Words!
You are people!
-Cheers!
-Unacceptable!
Starfire. Toast me.
As we say on Tamaran...
(SPEAKING IN TAMARANIAN)
Harmonious. But not
profound enough!
Raven. Toast me.
So, uh, next year
we might die!
Too dark!
Beast Boy. Toast me.
Um... May your horse
not pee-pee on your shoe
and the devil not look at you
in the coming year.
What does that even mean?
-Ow!
-Moving on!
Let's try the countdown.
(SCOFFS) Who can't
count backwards?
What? There's something
called counting backwards?
You know, Beastie,
you start at 10
and you go to one.
No, I don't know!
I don't know at all!
I can barely count forwards!
Our year is
depending on it, Beast Boy.
-Now focus!
-Ahhh!
Uh, okay, I got this.
Ten! (COUNTS QUICKLY)
Nine! (COUNTS QUICKLY)
Eight! (COUNTS QUICKLY)
Seven! This isn't so hard.
It took you 10 seconds
to get through four seconds!
-Moving on!
-Ahhh!
Next up, perfecting
the midnight kiss.
Uh, what are the pens for?
To draw the perfect match
on your hand
for kissing practice,
obviously.
Now go ahead. Don't be shy!
(CHUCKLES) I love a girl
with a sense of humor.
(GIGGLES)
Mmm-mmm.
Looking good, marker mama!
(IN SPANISH ACCENT)
And you're one hot hombre.
(SIGHS) The dreamy.
Ooh, nice mustache,
you little hipster!
(PURRS)
(STRAINING)
No, no, eyelashes are wrong,
erase, erase! Redraw!
Yes, yes, beautiful!
You almost done, bro?
I'm ready to get my smooch on!
Quiet! She needs
to be perfect!
And, there!
(IN FEMININE VOICE) Oh, Robin!
I do not know if I can wait
until the midnight!
(CHUCKLES)
Of course you can't.
But you must!
Now, these kisses should be
tender and respectful,
but with enough passion
to kindle the flames
of a long life together.
Titans, kiss!
I've waited a long time
for this moment.
(FEMININE VOICE) Oh, Robin!
What is that foul odor?
(NORMAL VOICE)
What? Oh, no, no!
I had fish and onions
for dinner!
(FEMININE VOICE)
I am sorry, but I cannot kiss
the onion-fish mouth!
(NORMAL VOICE)
Why? What was I thinking?
Why am I always
sabotaging myself?
(GRUNTING)
(CRYING)
I'll, uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
Work on it.
Moving on. The singing of
that weird song no one
knows the words to.
Okay, Titans. Sing.
(SINGING AULD LANG SYNE
TIMIDLY)
That's not how the song goes!
No one knows the words, dude!
Well, I do. Now,
sit back and listen
to these bittersweet lyrics.
(CLEARS THROAT)
(SINGS TUNING
(SINGING AULD LANG SYNE)
Wow.
I like our version better.
I think we're ready.
Let's take a practice run.
Cyborg, toast!
(CLEARS THROAT)
As I look around this room,
I see a shared past,
a wonderful present
and a bright future.
We are more than friends,
we are family.
To the Teen Titans.
May our bonds grow stronger
as we grow older.
Long winded, but sweet.
Beast Boy! Countdown.
(COUNTING)
Ah! I'm moonwalking
with numbers! Yo!
Starfire. The midnight kiss.
(KISSING)
(WHISPERING)
I wish I was your hand.
Raven. Song.
(SINGING AULD LANG SYNE)
Great! I think
those are the lyrics.
Titans! To the countdown!
(MUZAK PLAYING)
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
Yo, I can't wait for this
terrible year to be over
so I can get a good one going.
I am actually looking forward
to the February.
For the first time,
our future is looking bright!
It's almost midnight, Titans!
Let's ring in the new year!
I got this! Uh, ten...
-Ten...
-Not yet, Beast Boy!
My toast! I have to say words!
Cyborg! Beast Boy!
Keep it together!
Uh, nine...
Numbers, numbers!
More numbers!
(TRUMPETS)
Am I to be the kissing now?
What? Wait, no! No!
-Save it for me!
-Oh, my toast!
My buttery toast!
The kiss! The kiss!
(SINGING DANNY BOY)
Wrong song, Raven, wrong song!
(KISSES)
Okay, we had another bad year,
but tonight is New Year's Eve!
And we can turn it all around!
Next year will
only get better!
-Are you ready?
-(ALL) Oh, yeah!
-Whoo-hoo!
-ROBIN: No, no!
What are you doing?
(ALL CLAMORING)
I have a good feeling
about this year, Titans.
Give it up, Robin.
We'll never break
this cycle of misery.
(GROANS) My shoes hurt.
Then maybe it's time
to take things into our
liver-spotted hands
and pay a visit
to those responsible
for this endless cycle
of misery.
There they are.
The masters of time.
Why have you
entered our domain, Titans?
We want a good year for once.
We are bummed out!
Never! Watching you repeat
the same mistakes
year after year
is too much fun.
Good stuff. Very funny.
(CHUCKLES)
Then you leave us no choice.
Titans, go!
(SNORING)
What are you waiting for?
Come on, fight the baby!
I'm not gonna fight a baby!
Then fight the old man!
Just pick one!
Baby! Go play!
(COOING)
(GROANING)
(GROANS)
Oy vey!
Respect your elders.
(CRYING)
(BEAST BOY GROANS)
You won't find me
so easy to defeat, Titans.
Oh! (GROANS)
Hey! I need that to stand.
You can have it back...
If you promise
to give us a good year.
Mmm. Very well.
Enjoy your year, Titans.
Yes! We did it!
(BEEPS)
(HONKS)
Happy New Year!
(SINGING AULD LANG SYNE)
(RAVEN SINGING DANNY BOY)